Playing By the Rules
by Schnickledooger
Summary: They say some people view the world from a stain-glassed window. Touya views it from the perspective of a goban. So when his territory is threatened, he attacks. AkiHika Beware the bad Go puns. CRACK fic!


**Disclaimer:** I do not own **Hikaru no Go**. It is owned by Hotta Yumi and Obata Takeshi.

**Summary: **They say some people view the world from a stain-glassed window. Touya views it from the perspective of a goban. So when his territory is threatened, he attacks. AkiHika (Beware the bad Go puns).

**A/N: **I was going to put the Go terminology at the end, but then I thought it might be more advantageous to the reader if they know beforehand the proper moves so they get the horrible puns. Please look at the list below first before reading the fic. Three times through should be enough.

_Fuseki:_ the arraying of stones; first moves of the game; territory.

_Komi:_ points added to a player's score, normally given to White for Black's advantage playing first.

_Tengen: _the center point of the goban.

_Joseki: _an agreed-upon sequence of plays; settled pattern/fixed stones

_Atari: _a state of a stone that only has one liberty; in danger of being captured by the opponent.

_Joban: _the beginning phase of the game. Involves dividing the board into _fuseki._

_Semeai: _Also known as _Capturing Race. _A mutual capturing contest. The first player to put their opponent into _atari _and then captures their stones wins.

_Aji: _a weakness that can be exploited.

_Sente: _the initiative; a play that must be answered.

_Dame: _an empty point or liberty adjacent to a stone.

_Tsumego: _a life-or-death situation on the board.

_Tesuji: _a special tactic; a skillful move; a clever play.

_Omoyo:_ large-scale framework; strategy.

_Yose:_ endgame

Alright, are you done looking and memorizing? If not, you'll have to scroll back up when you hit a term you don't understand. Onward then!

**Playing By the Rules**

Touya's_ fuseki_ is being threatened.

They say some people view the world from a stain-glassed window. Touya views it from the perspective of a goban.

He isn't sure when exactly he started having less-than innocent thoughts about Shindou. But strangely enough, the day it hits him isn't over a game of go—it's at a ramen restaurant and Touya realizes that Shindou has really delicate hands. The way Shindou holds his chopsticks is striking as well—especially the fine bone of his wrist, which peeks out temptingly from the sleeve of his shirt to bring the captured noodles to its owner's mouth with dexterous ease… and then Touya finds himself unable to look away from those plump, full lips, glistening with the juice of the soup.

Touya is rather confused by the sudden urge to reach out and touch them and wonders in the days that follow why his dreams are haunted by green eyes and sun-kissed bangs.

When Touya begins to not-so discreetly watch Shindou whenever he is in close proximity, he discovers he is not the only soul undertaking this hobby. He has always known that Ogata likes to observe Shindou, after all, he was the one to sponsor him—it's only natural to keep an eye on your investment to see if you've made a good decision, plus there was his obsession with the whole Sai mania. Ogata was certain Shindou knew something and thus he can't afford to leave him alone.

But really, Touya thinks there is a difference between observing and stalking, and the fact that Ogata seems to derive a sadistic pleasure in backing and cornering Shindou into walls as much as possible is giving him an unfair advantage with _komi._

Then there are those insei friends who flock about him all the time as well as those new pros that passed the exam along with Shindou, and he doesn't like the way they are all buddy-buddy and touchy-feeling with him. Touya is aware that most youths his age are not as reserved in the manners and emotions as he is, but does that wild-haired red-head have to sling his arm around Shindou's neck as a greeting every time or that pro from Kansai make such vulgar overtures with his _tengen _moves or that childhood friend of his speak his given name so familiarly? They have all established a very comfortable _joseki_ with Shindou and Touya can't stand it.

The worst part about this new state of affairs though is that Shindou remains completely oblivious that everyone has an alternative agenda besides playing Go and that he is letting himself be led blindly into _atari _like a lamb to the slaughter. It's horrible when Touya realizes that everyone seems to be laughing at him for missing_ joban_ and now it's almost too late to enter their_ semeai, _but he must find some way to join the race because Shindou is _his_ eternal rival and he'll be damned if he lets anyone else take over his _fuseki._

The last straw comes when one day at the Institute, he overhears a scruffy-haired bearded man donned all up in black leather flex his bulging biceps and ask Shindou if he would like to take a_ ride_ on his _motorcycle._

And Shindou, the naïve, gullible and clueless idiot he is actually _agrees._

Touya doesn't really remember what happens next. He has a rather hazy recollection of a goke flying through the air, go stones falling like a storm of hail and narrowly missing their target's head and Shindou's startled squawking. The next thing Touya realizes, he is standing in a near-empty park outside and steadfastly clutching Shindou's hands… those delicate hands that first ignited this odd fixation within him, and is struggling for some way to let his feelings be known to the other boy, but the words catch in his throat as soon as he stares into his rival's green eyes, curious and livid at the same time, and all Touya can do is curse silently at his own _aji _and lack of courage.

"Geez, Touya, what's up with you?" Shindou says, snatching his hands away quickly, anger evident on his face. "You just threw a goke at Tsubaki's head for no good reason! And in front of all those reporters too! _Go Weekly_'s going to have a field day with that!"

Touya does not reply. His eyes are riveted to Shindou's mouth as it flaps open in the midst of the lecture and there's a small yellow-ish stain on the left-hand corner from whatever Shindou ate for lunch and Touya is seized with a mad desire to know what it is, and before he can stop himself, his finger has already dabbed at the spot and has retreated back to his own mouth where his tongue confirms for him that the residue is mustard.

_Oh,_ Touya thinks numbly. _Shindou must have eaten at NcDonalds today_.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" Shindou shrieks, backing several steps away from him, blood rushing furiously to his cheeks. "YOU DON'T GO AROUND LICKING PEOPLE LIKE THAT!!!"

"I didn't lick you. I licked my finger," Touya defends and wonders why he isn't panicking right now for losing control instead of feeling like he was floating calmly through a field of clouds.

"THAT'S LIKE AN INDIRECT KISS!!!" Shindou exclaims, hands trembling in clenched fists at his side and behind him, several mothers lead their children forcefully away from the two boys.

Touya jolts at the word _kiss_ like he's been struck with lightning and his eyes glow with a sudden, fierce determination because he knows now what to do. He's going to force Shindou into _sente, _into a position where he can't run anymore. He notes with distaste that there are entirely too many_ dame_ between them, so he strides forward with a firm resolution, grips Shindou by the elbows and mashes their lips together in a fumbling, clumsy kiss.

In the process, he manages to smack his forehead painfully against Shindou's and jar noses with the other boy yet still somehow capture the _tengen_ and smiles triumphantly.

Surprisingly, Shindou doesn't punch his lights out as he was expecting or even struggle or resist. He does stiffen in shock initially and emits a strangled squeak, but then slowly relaxes into his rival's arms like melted butter and presses his mouth back against Touya's eagerly.

When they finally pull apart, Shindou's eyes are glazed over and Touya is panting slightly both their faces are flushed in a mixture of embarrassment and pleasure, and an awkward moment of silence soon entails, which is only broken by a flurry of pink sakura petals sweeping up in a gale storm around them and causing Shindou to abruptly throw back his head and laugh uproariously.

"You always confess to me under cherry blossoms!" he crows gleefully.

"What?" Touya asks confused.

"You know, that time you stalked me at Haze and did that whole speech: 'No matter who I play, I'm constantly thinking about you. How you would respond to my _moves_?'" Shindou repeats purely from memory with a wide, diabolical grin.

"That was _not_ a confession! Well, it _was_, but not _that _kind of confession!" Touya yells, stumbling over the words and feeling the familiar flair of irritation towards his rival rise up inside him like an old flame.

"Well, since you just kissed me, I take it _this_ time was the real thing?" Shindou inquires, looking at him pointedly. "Was that why you threw the goke at poor Tsubaki's head?"

"That was _tsumego," _Touya admits glancing sideways, feeling his cheeks heat up even further. "I had to rescue you."

"_Tsumego?_" Shindou echoes, before sputtering indignantly. "Don't tell me you've been thinking in Go terms this whole time!"

"What's wrong with that?" Touya questions defensively. "It sharpens my game."

"You're hopeless," Shindou says shaking his head but his tone sounds amused. "Well, even if your mind is wired differently than everyone else, that kiss now was a brilliant _tesuji_."

Touya's heart skips a beat not because Shindou has obviously enjoyed their kiss and possibly feels for him in the same manner, but because he has found a kindred spirit in his rival who is speaking in Go terms as well, as if he understands.

Then he is caught off guard when Shindou grabs the front of his shirt and yanks him back for his own turn at capturing the _tengen _in a kiss sloppier but definitely wetter than the first.

And Touya thinks smugly that though he may have been weak at laying out the _omoyo _at first, he has managed to successfully defend his_ fuseki_ and still win in _yose_ anyway.

**The End**

******A/N:** Oh god, what was that? I think I just took CRACK to an all new level of bad. Do forgive me, I just had to try my hand at an HNG fic and since my other Hikago story (and far less crack-ish) is still under wraps, I gave in to the rabid plot bunny that became this. *shivers* But you I'm sure everyone who's read HNG (or least the fanfics) will realize that Go and sex are practically synonymous. Add that to the fact that drifting cherry blossom petals run rampant during all the confessions of love—er, rivalry scenes… hey, I'm just following canon here^^ I'm sure this type of plot has been done before—who can resist the glorious Go terminology that's oh-so conveniently-sounding sexy? Still I hope mine's somewhat different.

Ah, I'm not familiar with Go. That is, I don't play the game nor do I understand it. I've just extensively researched the moves and what does what. I got all my information from the **Sensei's Library: Common Go Terms** site. For those that have more knowledge of the game, if you think I have misused a term accordingly or feel another term would be better fitting in its place, please let me know and I will change it. I hope I did manage to use them all correctly though, even if they are for a bad pun crack fic.

Please don't think this is my normal style of writing. This is more rushed and rougher around the edges than it normally would be. Even my usual crack reads better than this. And well, if you want to see some semblance of serious or hints of angst, they're in my CLAMP fics, although they're buried under the humor for the most part.

Alrighty then. I hope this fic has at least amused you somewhat. Is it even funny? I think I was trying to show how obsessed Touya is with Go and Shindou and how it can be disastrous if he combines the two (though not too bad in this case)^-~ Please share your thoughts (and favorite lines or scenes if you have any). Thank you!


End file.
